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It's that time again! The awards this year are classic.
These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to
remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
5th RUNNER-UP
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower at
the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. The
22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The
accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley
and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to
protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to
slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been
investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad
removed.
4th RUNNER-UP
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot
dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found
him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch
wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death
3rd RUNNER-UP
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him
on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP "Man loses face at party" is what the headline read: A man at
a West Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in
Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)
popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion
that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid,
bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said
Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and
was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and Stromyer said: 'I'll show
you how to set it off.' He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all
his teeth out and his lips and tongue off", Payne added. Stromyer was listed
in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to
a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the
skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from
the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an
initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous in Grant's
Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow
entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1
millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts
would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the
University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches
of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow
managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts
tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that
afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been
filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the
initiation stunt is under investigation.
THIS YEAR'S WINNER.
The late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal Hawkins, of the great
state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the
George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers
between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot
fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the
fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr.
Hawkins to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for
Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence.
Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His
fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch
that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm,
he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes
would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away
his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed
into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and worse,
without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum.
To make matters worse still, on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his
thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw
him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup
truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put
the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing 30' below atop
his friend, killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its
driver thrown 100' from the truck and dead from massive internal injuries.
Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his
body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air. Hearty congratulations
gentlemen, you win...
These awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) that
individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to
remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.
5th RUNNER-UP
Goes to a San Anselmo, California man who died when he hit a lift tower at
the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad. The
22-year old David Hubal was pronounced dead at Central Mammoth Hospital. The
accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's department said.
Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley
and undid some yellow foam protectors from lift towers, said Lt. Mike
Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to
protect skiers who might hit towers. The group apparently used the pads to
slide down the ski slope and Hubal crashed into a tower. It has since been
investigated and determined the tower he hit was the one with its pad
removed.
4th RUNNER-UP
Goes to Robert Puelo, 32, who was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis
market. When the clerk threatened to call the police, Puelo grabbed a hot
dog, shoved it into his mouth and walked out without paying. Police found
him unconscious in front of the store. Paramedics removed the six-inch
wiener from his throat where it had choked him to death
3rd RUNNER-UP
Goes to poacher Marino Malerba of Spain, who shot a stag standing above him
on an overhanging rock and was killed instantly when it fell on him.
2nd RUNNER-UP "Man loses face at party" is what the headline read: A man at
a West Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in
Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck)
popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion
that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid,
bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said
Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and
was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and Stromyer said: 'I'll show
you how to set it off.' He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all
his teeth out and his lips and tongue off", Payne added. Stromyer was listed
in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to
a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine
anyone doing something like that," Payne said.
1st RUNNER-UP
Doctors at Portland University Hospital said an Oregon man shot through the
skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive and will be released soon from
the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an
initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous in Grant's
Pass, Oregon. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow
entered Robert's right eye. Doctors said that had the arrow gone 1
millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have been cut and Roberts
would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Doctor Johnny Delashaw at the
University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches
of brain with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow
managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said that had Roberts
tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself.
Roberts admitted afterwards that he and his friends had been drinking that
afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been
filed, but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the
initiation stunt is under investigation.
THIS YEAR'S WINNER.
The late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal Hawkins, of the great
state of Washington, decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the
George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers
between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine foot
fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the
fence and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100-pounds heavier than Mr.
Hawkins to hop the fence and then assist his friend over. Unfortunately for
Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence.
Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His
fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch
that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm,
he looked down and saw some bushes below him. Possibly figuring the bushes
would break his fall, he removed his pocket knife and proceeded to cut away
his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed
into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and worse,
without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rectum.
To make matters worse still, on landing, his pocket knife penetrated his
thigh. Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw
him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the pickup
truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put
the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing 30' below atop
his friend, killing him. Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its
driver thrown 100' from the truck and dead from massive internal injuries.
Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-naked, scratches on his
body, a holly stick in his rectum, a knife in his thigh, and his shorts
dangling from a tree branch 25-feet in the air. Hearty congratulations
gentlemen, you win...
