That was a funny post, thanks! I laughed so hard I spit up my Beluga caviar and almost knocked over my open bottle of Chateau Lafite '99 - and nearly stained my lapis lazuli desktop.
You're absolutely right, no money in domaining....
Seriously, though, I turn a small profit and I'm allergic to spreadsheets. You are either not buying good names or not trying to sell them properly. And don't expect much from hand regs unless you are willing to keep them for several years. That said, if you aren't making a dime off the had regs, you might not be ready to spend on bigger names just yet.
Don't worry about what other domainers are doing - focus on your own profits. People at any forum tend to exaggerate or flat out lie about their success. (Though there are many successful people as well. Try to learn how to separate the two groups.)
Don't try to make killer profits at this stage, and don't pile up a bunch of domains in the hope that they might sell in 10 years. Buy what you can afford and flip them for a reasonable profit, and work your way up. By selling domains, you will gain experience and a better understanding of what works. If you're not selling any at all, even at low price points, you're probably buying crap.