Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise have Invisible Baby

Status
Not open for further replies.

iBizStart

Level 8
Joined
Feb 12, 2003
Messages
2,234
Reaction score
24
Feedback: 51 / 1 / 0
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have been photographed carrying a swaddled bundle in their arms, but no one has ever seen the supposed dark haired and brown eyed Suri. There is a reason why you haven’t seen them with their new baby out and around Beverly Hills. It’s because they’ve given birth to an invisible girl.

The sometimes overly dramatic couple birthed the first recorded invisible child in modern history. Genghis Khan supposedly gave birth to an invisible baby boy, but his son reportedly died in an elephant accident when he was only four years old. Some are equally afraid of having an invisible child playing in their streets.

Tom’s neighbor Walter Sommersby says he can’t imagine living on a street where there’s an invisible child outside playing.

“Although it’s unlikely the child would get past the stone barrier, electric fencing, and robot guards, she may slip past all this and her infra-red-goggle-wearing-parents undetected, then what if she’s in the road? How will I know,” Walter questions.

Mr. Sommersby isn’t the only one up at arms over the recent news of this invisible baby. ProMoM, an organization for bettering the image of public breastfeeding, thinks the invisible baby could create chaos amidst their nationwide campaign.

“Imagine being in a coffee shop and some slutty, stripper girl pops a boob out for everyone to see. She could just claim she has an invisible baby like Tom and Katie,” says ProMoM spokeswoman Alexandra Diek. “It would set us back years.”

Most people aren’t afraid of the consequences of an invisible baby in our society; they’re more curious how she came to be. Katie Holmes’ birthing doctor explains further the phenomenon, “It’s because she’s not there…well, she is but you can’t see her,” says the gray haired Dr. Zink. “It’s true she didn’t scream at all during the pregnancy, but that was mainly because she couldn’t see the baby. She was confused and excited at the same time. I told her to imagine a baby coming out if that helped.”

When we asked the doctor what Tom was doing during the pregnancy, he said he was standing on one foot and had both of his hands on his shoulders in a kind of folded up crane stance. The doctor did not know if this crane stance was somehow involved with the invisible baby birth, but he didn’t want to rule it out.

Some believe the invisible baby culminates some of L. Ron Hubbard’s secret teachings, the belief that a ‘chosen one’ will arise unseen by the masses. Others believe that this baby is simply evolution of movie stars, because they’re always trying to avoid the paparazzi. “It’s just common evolution. It’s in their genes to not want to be photographed anymore, so it’s natural they have an invisible baby,” says scientist and lead writer for Science Today.

Whether it’s a phenomenon Scientology can explain or a scientific evolution of our species, this birth is truly incredible. We understand we won’t be seeing Suri Cruise anytime soon on the big screen, but we hope someday they can throw some baby powder on the little girl and let the world see her for real.

This may not be reproduced in any way. Copyright Byalik LLC
 

iBizStart

Level 8
Joined
Feb 12, 2003
Messages
2,234
Reaction score
24
Feedback: 51 / 1 / 0
Some satirical news for everyone to read. Launching a satire site so just letting you guys get a glimpse of what your gonna be in for
 

iBizStart

Level 8
Joined
Feb 12, 2003
Messages
2,234
Reaction score
24
Feedback: 51 / 1 / 0
Thank you. For all of you parody lovers, the site will be www.satireliar.com (only this 1 article there but expect a new design and tons of articles within the next few weeks)
 

Ian

DNF Exclusive
Joined
Mar 26, 2006
Messages
1,616
Reaction score
5
Feedback: 54 / 0 / 0
very very weird. A bunch of crap here!!!
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top Bottom