New Office Policy

[Varchar]

EFFECTIVE AUGUST 1, 2008

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:

1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to
your salary.

2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a
Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially
and therefore do not need a raise.

3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your
money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and
therefore you do not need a raise.

4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need
to be and therefore you do not need a raise.



Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof
of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the
stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will
sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall
door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the
company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders'
category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be
sectioned under the company's mental health policy.



Lunch Break: (Love this one)

* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need
to eat more, so that they can look healthy.

* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's
all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.


Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here
to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore,
all questions, comments, concerns, complaints,
frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations,
allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.


The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed!
​

 

[Biggie]

that is very funny and so absurb...

that it could very well become truth

for instance:

the dress code, many people didn't get any raises (2007 I did not get a raise) and some got pay-cuts!
who knows what's in the minds of those who make the decisions?
maybe they did think we dressed too nice or too poorly...

if inflation goes up 10% and cost-of-living goes up 5% and you're lucky if you get a 3% raise, then is that still a raise?

sorry to cut the joke, as it was funny, but let me continue...cause I still work a full-time j.o.b

sick days:

in 2006 our sick days were reduced, and in that year and 2007 I took 10 unpaid work days off, for the company's sake?

and...sometimes companies may not accept a doctor statement or not pay for the visit, if that doctor is not a part of the HMO/PPO or company program.



in this case the "3 minute rule"...it applies to a rule at the office ( only for females ) that they cannot "chatter" in other areas longer than 3 minutes.

this is an actual rule that was told to me only last week, though I haven't seen it in writing.


so yeah, the joke was funny, as we who still work can laugh at .it

but how long before the joke will be on .us?

 

[tekz999]

hahahhhahhaha

 

[impactadmin]

Very Funny!

Could be true in some cases! lol