The Axis of Evil Wannabees

[neologist]

by John Cleese.

Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be "more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis", President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.

Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, "for starters, a really dumb name". "Right. As if they are just as evil... in their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong-il. "Everybody knows we're the best evils? eh evilest? that we're the best."

Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they had asked if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.

"An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Sodamn Insane. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three. And a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."

International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a game of geopolitical chairs.

Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia And Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable".

With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".

Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we really like to do", said Scottish Executive
First Minister Jack McConnell.

While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axis, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End
in 'Guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Norguay denied the charges. Norguay,s King Harald can't understand the rejection "I filled out the application myself".

 

[LeftRightOut]

Pure Gold, good to see Cleese still has it k:

 

[draqon]

that article is misattributed to cleese, it was actually written by Andrew Marlatt of Satireweb.com. Therefore we cannot be sure that Cleese still has it.

 

[neologist]

that article is misattributed to cleese, it was actually written by Andrew Marlatt of Satireweb.com. Therefore we cannot be sure that Cleese still has it.

Sorry I hadn't done my research. All I wanted to do was pass along an amusing thought. Andrew Marlatt founded SatireWire.Com. His article may be found here: http://www.satirewire.com/news/jan02/axis.shtml.
Pax vobiscum. k:

 

[LeftRightOut]

that article is misattributed to cleese, it was actually written by Andrew Marlatt of Satireweb.com. Therefore we cannot be sure that Cleese still has it.

Sure would be a shame if Cleese had lost it :cheeky:

 

[Momentum]

Hey don't forget the Axis of Weasel! I seem to remember that was founded by France, Germany and Russia.