Wife From Hell

[QuantumBeam]

WIFE FROM HELL
>>>
>>>A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, " I
>>>clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."
>>>
>>>The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps
>>>your radar gun needs calibrating."
>>>
>>>Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly
>>>dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."
>>>
>>>As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife
>>>and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"
>>>
>>>The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar
>>>detector went off when it did."
>>>
>>>As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar
>>>detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through
>>>clenched teeth, "Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"
>>>
>>>The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your
>>>seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."
>>> The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it
>>>off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my
>>>back pocket."
>>>
>>>The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your
>>>seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."
>>>
>>>And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver
>>>turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"
>>>
>>>The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always
>>>talk to you this way, Ma'am?"
>>>
>>>I love this part....
>>>
>>>
>>>"Only when he's been drinking."
:lol:

 

[Theo]

Reminds me of this one:

An executive in a Z4 series sports car and a priest in a Volvo collide at high speed. Both cars are completely ruined in the crash but they both miraculously survive.

The priest steps out of his car, holding an intact bottle of wine for the holy communion. The executive is ranting and cussing the priest, who tries to calm him down.

"Look around you, my child - it's the will of God. But we both survived! We should be grateful and praise the Lord for his mercy."

"You're right" says the executive, "that was a true miracle."

"Let's drink from this holy communion wine in the Lord's name" says the priest, handing it to the executive who takes it with shaky hands and gulps down quite a bit. Indeed he calms down and hands it back to the priest.

"Here, Father. Now you drink in the name of Lord!"

The priest puts the bottle down and says, "No, my child. I'll be patiently waiting for the police to arrive!"