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Who Elected These People (Memoirs of a D.C. Travel Agent)
I have been a Travel Agent for thirty years in Washington, D.C.
Here are examples why we might just be in trouble!
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so
that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to
Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look
stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make
her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in
Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response - (click).
A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida
package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He
said he was expecting an ocean view room. I tried to explain that is not
possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't
lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!"
I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible
to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look
so close on the map."
An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he
could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he
had only a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to
rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car
to drive between the gates to save time."
An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know
how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m. and
got into Chicago at 8:33 am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an
hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time
zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your
physical description on luggage tags? I said, "No, why do you ask?" She
replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a
tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that is
very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I 'looked into
it' (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the airport code for
Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a
destination tag on her luggage.
A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.
After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be
cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked,
"How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he
meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none
of these darn planes have numbers on them."
A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi Cola,
FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if
she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah,
whatever!"
A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents
he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about
passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been
to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double-
checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he
said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have
accepted my American Express!"
A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want
to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for
words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the
town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some
searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've
looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino
anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it
is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and
in a moment of inspiration finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo,
do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said.
Now you can understand why Government is in the shape that it's in!
We get what we pay for but, why do we have to keep paying?
Why are we so chicken about crossing the road with these fine example of future road kill?
Help buy these folks tickets to the secret CIA accommodations for mental terrorism.
I have been a Travel Agent for thirty years in Washington, D.C.
Here are examples why we might just be in trouble!
I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so
that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.
I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to
Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport
information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look
stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts." Without trying to make
her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in
Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response - (click).
A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida
package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He
said he was expecting an ocean view room. I tried to explain that is not
possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't
lie to me. I looked on the map, and Florida is a very thin state!"
I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible
to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, "But they look
so close on the map."
An aide for a Bush cabinet member once called and asked if he
could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he
had only a 1-hour lay-over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to
rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car
to drive between the gates to save time."
An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know
how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20 a.m. and
got into Chicago at 8:33 am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an
hour ahead of Illinois, but she could not understand the concept of time
zones. Finally, I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!
A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your
physical description on luggage tags? I said, "No, why do you ask?" She
replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a
tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I'm overweight. I think that is
very rude!" After putting her on hold for a minute while I 'looked into
it' (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the airport code for
Fresno, CA is (FAT), and that the airline was just putting a
destination tag on her luggage.
A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii.
After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be
cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"
I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked,
"How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he
meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none
of these darn planes have numbers on them."
A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi Cola,
FL. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if
she meant fly to Pensacola, FL on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah,
whatever!"
A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents
he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about
passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been
to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double-
checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he
said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have
accepted my American Express!"
A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, "I want
to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for
words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the
town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some
searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've
looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino
anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it
is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and
in a moment of inspiration finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo,
do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said.
Now you can understand why Government is in the shape that it's in!
We get what we pay for but, why do we have to keep paying?
Why are we so chicken about crossing the road with these fine example of future road kill?
Help buy these folks tickets to the secret CIA accommodations for mental terrorism.
