One thing I've learned in my old age is that there is a MASSIVE gap between what women SAY and what they DO.
They SAY they want relationships, yet about 70% of women file for divorce, giving up on the relationship first.
They SAY they don't like violent men, yet most women who file restraining orders against violent men return to them. Most women who stay in women's shelters return to their violent men, or find yet another violent man and repeat the cycle.
So, to answer your question, begin asking questions of female friends in such a way that you learn of their ACTIONS, not their 'feelings', and you'll be met with a much higher rate of success.
Ask about people they've dated in the past, and how long they've stayed with that person, and you'll learn what's REALLY important to them. Don't fall for the 'I just want a funny, monogamous, responsible man' crap, it's nonsense.
Here's what I've learned from MANY fact-based discussions with women:
1) Violent men are most desired; women will complain about them yet stay for many years.
2) 'Boring' is the worst sin - you'll not get a second date. Boring is defined as well dressed, no criminal behaviour, employed in 9-5 job, no 'accidental' kids.
3) Irresponsible behaviour is actually admired -- multiple children with multiple womne, not paying child support, criminal history... all not important to women, they will not even ask questions up front, and will eagerly enter relationships with these guys.
4) Smoking, drug use, obvious alcohol issues. This seems to be a 50/50 split, these are 'no 2nd date' for some, but marriage material for others.
5) Monogamous men -- deal killer for most women, since this makes you 'boring' (see
#2 above) and unlikely to get 2nd date. Women actually response well to bad pickup lines, grocery store flower bouquets, door holding, and other traits used by the 'players', or men who simply date as many women per week as they can. This is a really odd one that deserves more study - women actually delude themselves that extremely flirtatious and 'romantic' men only do this for them, and are all shocked to find they're the 10th woman the guy slept with this month. duh.
6) Most importantly - be over 6' tall, which is the top 15% of the population. In a 20/20 study, something like 70% of women will not consider dating someone under 6' tall. In their study of shorter men described as doctors and charity organizers vs. tall construction workers, every women chose the taller men. When asked what would change her mind, one women said "the taller guy would have to be a murderer".
Yeah, I know, women are going to chime in and tell me how wrong I am, but facts are facts. I was a guest on the Tom Leykis show for an hour last year, so I'm used to people who still think women go for the 'responsible' type, yet won't face reality.
So... there you have it. Feel free to verify my results against your own polling, do what it to REALLY get and keep a woman!